I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
