It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
