That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
