god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
