my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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