those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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