I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I enjoy the company of your penis
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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