sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
the day after is always just damage control
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Randomize
