There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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