My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I just cut my nipple shaving
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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