How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize