When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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