The maid of honor just puked.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I just blew my weed a kiss
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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