She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
