Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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