I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
