You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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