well I can't set my house on fire every night
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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