I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
