my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
