My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
