I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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