Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
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