I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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