Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
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