If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
