It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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