I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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