I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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