dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize