I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
