dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
you win again, gameday.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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