my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
