If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
