We're like a lot better than the average bears
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You brought string cheese to the strip club
my god I love twenty year old dicks
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
