I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
You ate ashes out of my bong
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
