my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I don't deserve a penis
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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