okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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