You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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