I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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