I feel like abortions should bother me more
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
