Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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