I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
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