no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
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