I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
