I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
