4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
