the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
