I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
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