he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
my shit smells like andre
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize