Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
