you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
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Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
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When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
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