TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
