oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
