My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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