Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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