hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
