Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
