I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
