At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
