if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
