Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize