I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
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He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
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Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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