Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
