if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
