The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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