Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Found your dick twin last night
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
