woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
