i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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