I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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