I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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