Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
That accounts for only three of the penises
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
did i just pee glitter
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
