help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
