Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
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I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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