I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
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