I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
